The first work that I painted here in Lima. First on this canvas I begun to paint the copy of my own work for order, but the person who made order desappeared for a while, and I thought why the hell I will paint this painting on the big sized canvas now, when I am now sure this person will take this painting. So for a moment I decided to stop, and to paint another on this canvas, even though I have another empty canvases. I didn’t like how I began that first work, something was wrong from the first step. So I just decided to paint any surrealistic painting. I just wanted to paint something… But in this momet in the first time of my life I really understood how it is hard after long while, after year working only for order return and do not paint thoughts of others, but paint mine, my own thoughts… It was really difficult. But I just decided that I need to return to my painting, because all this long while I painted for order was just for saving me and my painting and that’s why it is impossible to get the first trouble and to stop. So I decided to paint the real situation which is happened with me in that moment of my life ( March-Aprel 2008). I appeared in absolutely another world for me, yeah it is really close to the world I grew up, but it was cardinally another if to compare with Russia. So all was a bit strange, because it was normal and right… without games and intrigues.
…Time is symbol of time that this person needs to spend for study her new spaces. Strawberry & cream is like an erotic symbol, cheeze is like a symbol of thing that can survive in very strong condition, I mean if you will take a stick which looks more stronger than cheese and will press it you will break it, but such thing like a cheese it can change it shape, and more better for surviving and adaptation for new spaces.
Anyway for first time when I just began this work I was really disappointed, another time in my life I felt that I lost my gift, and that’s all… I will never paint anything else. But I anyway feeling this moment is still continuing, though now I understand the reason for it is another, and I know that I just need now to be strong and to continue, just paint, and to not think that I lost something or not. I feel if I finish all those paintings I have now not finished, all will be ok… I just was lost for a moment. The same moment I had in Summer-Autumn 2005. I did it in that time, I returned and painted many interesting works, why I can’t do it again, and also if to read the horoscope for my symbol, for scorpio, there is such comparing scorpio with Phoenix ( bird who died in Fire and then rise from her ashes), so in my life I felt this many times, and now again…

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